Principles of Good Custody Mangement

These are the principles or guidelines that are recognized as being instrumental in improving the quality of life for children whose parents are raising them together but are living apart.

Seeking to teach or apply some of the principles of good child custody management is something we can do to offset the potential damage to children and reduce the risks to their psychosocial development.

Applying good principles can make a difference as to how well individuals will adjust and/or cope with the incidence of divorce in years to come and even as to how long healthy adjustments may take to be accomplished. It is best if the children hear the news about the separation or divorce from you first -- ideally both parents. How they are told sets the emotional tone for the future.

Divorce is between the parents and not between the parents and their children. Being mindful of these principles will hopefully:

Offset the negative effects of divorce on children.
Make the process of co-parenting easier and more efficient.
Decrease the amount of time it takes for the children to adjust to their new lifestyle.

Helpful Suggestions

Words can be very powerful. Try substituting "bonus parent" for "stepparent" and "parenting time" for "visitation".
When your child/children is having "parenting time" with the other parent, try to keep phone calls at a minimum, less is better than more sometimes.
Avoid using the child as the messenger
Never tell a child more than they need to know or are able to process.
When changing parenting time negotiate with the other parent, not the child.
Don't discuss adult issues with your child.

Education Material

Dr. Simpson is working on what is referred to as a progressive and evolving manual that identifies the principles of good child custody management. These are the principles or guidelines that are recognized as improving the quality of lives for children whose parents are raising them together but are living apart.

This is referred to as a progressive and evolving manual because it is anticipated that it will never be finished. As new information is identified that improves the quality of lives for children and parents of divorce, it will be added to the manual.

Right now the manual:

Briefly discusses the history and frequency of ruptured homes in the United States
Is a discussion about the effects of divorce on children
Is an introduction to the concept to Principles of Good Custody Management
Shows the importance of how we prepare our children for the divorce and how that sets the stage for their adjustment.
Advises what to tell your children and what not to tell your children
Explains the importance of developing a parenting arrangement that works for your children and the significance of visitation or parenting time within that arrangement.

Other topics currently in progress that will be added to the manual include:

What to consider on behalf of your children when you introduce them to your new romantic interest or how to approach remarriage, dating, etc.
How to protect, encourage, and promote the other parents' relationship with their children and why this is important.

Dr. Simpson hopes that people who are interested in this subject will send in tips or ideas that have worked for them as parents and who are raising their children together while living apart. Tips and ideas will be shared with those who purchase the progressive manual promoting the principles of good custody management.

The progressive manual can be purchased by sending $15 plus $5 shipping and handling by check or money order to Dr. James Simpson, Individual and Family Counseling, PO Box 8424, Rapid City, SD 57709.

This will entitle you to the manual as it currently exists and you will be added to our mailing list for one year. As long as your name is on our mailing list, we will send you copies of new chapters developed for the manual and any tips and ideas we might receive.

At the end of one year, you can renew your name to our membership list for $10.